I ROCK.
5 months ago
Saturday, February 27, 2010
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About Me
- Mark
- Trenary, MI, United States
- Mark Here, For starters, I live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan right on the Whitefish River. I love anything to do with music and I enjoy photography. Don't forget to become a fan of my band on Facebook (Just hit the link down the page a little ways!) ~Later~
Disclaimer
My Blog List
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New blog2 years ago
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1... 2... 3... 4....2 years ago
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What is Hunting?3 years ago
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Whitefish River3 years ago
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Sorry for the wait!3 years ago
Followers
295 comments:
how come you didnt tell us the blog was moved?
How come you didn't tell us the blog has moved? i think we have a right to know.
To help you with yo move, I provided uh thing.
It is my job to disagree with everything you said in this post. Nothing but an advancing Rhino would change this view. Begone.
How dare you become a medieval knight without telling me? Well, you had better bundle up because it's very cold outside when the thermometer is smoldering.
Moving is a sad fact of life, but that does not make it unaccaptable. Any further research carried out should be most suited to the house rules.
Dude, I can't make it much more simple than this:
1. Read this comment
2. Find and/or eat some bacon
3. Take over the world
4. Repeat twice more for good results
Thanks for you time! We hope your experience was good or terrible, but not inbetween!
OMG DUDE I LIKE TOTALLY FOUND THIS LINK ON THE INTERNET! IT'S SOME REALLY NICE PERSON NAMED "The Garbage Truck"
If I wait any longer I might forget the post the link
...
Last year was probably the best year of my life.
I sat there.
I sat there.
I sat there.
I sat there.
I sat there.
I sat there.
I GOT DENTAL SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The end.
I promise ya, there is nothing i don't tell my teeth.
GET IT??? GET IT YO???? GET IT??!!!
you TALK with your teeth so you are TELLING your teeth stuff!!!!!!!
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
In the future, I plan to do only two things for sure:
1. Become a firetruck
2. Host an opera party with many famous people.
Your photographs have inspired me to do both of these things! Please post more, because your moving has caused my life to be come 0.0001% less strange. Thanks!
My dream came true,
in 1902,
When it came,
it felt the same,
like a drog goin' down the drain,
sort of in pain,
I love my mom,
my website is google.com,
what happened that day?
changed me in every way,
I don't wanna stay,
What happened is plain,
I GOT RUNOVER BY A TRAIN
I have never seen somebody who could move as effectively as you.
Except some.
Like E-mail.
Money.
it came for me alone.
Money.
I dreamed of a loan.
Money.
Not once but twice
Money.
I left it for the lice.
Money.
Guess its not in style.
Money.
My haircut was for free.
Oh Mark, when I look into your eyes I see pupils.
Please do not move this blog, because I think it is kinda mean for people like me who cannot handle such outrageous actions due to the fact that I am hanging by my toes off of a cliff like some weirdo in a sea lion suit.
You thought it would not affect me.
Moving this blog.
It has affected me.
It has.
Here is a commmon poem that expresses my feelings:
Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
I will groove,
This blog will move.
Hey Mark, I am just reporting some technical issues. I think your link is broken.
Sorry to be a spoilsport, but you should post on this blog until the other one is fixed.
~Henry Goosepot, your friend
Dream of a princess, dream of her aloooneee, dream of her face, dream of her toe bonnneee.
No offense, but I made a poem:
When I look out to the sea,
I know the life that waits for me,
But when I peer into a jar,
I know that life is very far,
So when I look into a top,
I see a spinning head of mop,
And win a fortune in a game,
My life might maybe be the same.
Please don't try any funny business or I will move my blog.
I am beast at rhyming. I can sing. What I can not do is:
Search stuff on bing.
(sorry)
Oh yeah>??? I will try some funnay buisness. I think I will.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Life in France---> Life in Rome
Life in Italy----> Life in a Phone
how is zat fo funnayy??
This is my favorite song! The video is nice and informative too, but just listen to that great beat!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW5fBPelC2k&feature=related
OOOHH MY GOSH THAT IS SOOOO FUNNYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna make a pinata now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The love of my life,
was ina strife,
her heart was red,
the stole her bed,
her eyes shined like diamonds,
She had a daughter named Tiamonds,
Her life was made right,
when she painted her ear white,
but when she was gone,
all that was left was a yawn.
I am also a fan of this video, although most of the time I fall asleep right after watching it.
Be warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d04o_49aJzE
Since this blog has moved why dont we hop into a moving truck and try to keep up the pace
My brother Brotwurst mentioned the same thing butis there anyway I can steal the pencil?
(gmail!!)
Hey Sediment, your video links inspired me a lot. I want to share my favorite video with the friendly Lone Wolf Photography community, and it helps me learn a lot. I like to play it in the background to increase my brainpower.
Click my name to go to the video.
Guy: Get the stick
Dog: Here I go!!!!!
I have never been caught in a windstorm, but I imagine that the experience is quite terrifying. Have you ever been caught in a windstorm? Have a discussion with your novel study group and proceed.
"Life is what happens when your favorite blog moves out of the cybersphere and you can not keep up with the moving truck"
-Unknown
I am dyslexic so I'm sorry that the grammar and spelling in this comment might be a little off. I just love being able to see your pictures because most blogs post pictures or text on them and it bothers me.
My brother just posted something, sorry if he bothers you. I bother him sometimes.
It makes me feel like talking to myself or inanimate objects.
I live in a really nice and expensive house. I bet you will never live in a house that is as nice and expensive as the house that I live in, because it is very nice and expensive.
I bought it for $15 so it is very expensive and nice.
I realized that I have never actually seen someone who was as good at taking pictures as you, even after I saw your blog. This is because I am blind.
Clowns, by Jrambolis Capption
"I never saw a clown,
But I went into the town.
I never saw a horse,
But I can code in morse.
I never ate a toast,
But I will never boast.
I am really cool."
It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.
In sadness of the event which i can not name, I am going to perform a poem created by myself:
With my heart beating a beat,
I watched and chewed some meat,
the visual could not vanish from my mind,
when i tried, i got blind,
the colors of that scene would not fade,
for anything i would trade,
not to see that sight,
like a bloody stream across the night,
but what was the view?
YOUR BLOG DECIDING TO MOVE!
HOW DARE YOU USE MY POEM WITHOUT PERMISSION!
I specifically sent you a letter asking for permission, and you said:
"Please use my poem. You are definitely free to use my poem for any purpose, including any uses. Thanks for asking permission."
OH. OKAY THEN. STOP YELLING PLEASE.
I AM CRYIGN MY EYES OUT RIGHT NOW because i only asked this lady a few questions and she runs out screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what I asked her:
What happened to your eyes? What happened to your toes?
What happened to your face? What happened to your fingers? What happened to your life? What happened to your food? What happened to the old you? Why are you covered in slimy green insects that look like cheetos?
Excuse me but are you the author of this blog? I have a question but I am too scared to ask it.
I am a talented bumblebee, but I do not have the talents required to do the following activities:
1. type
2. read
3. harvest honey
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGMOMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM
PRINCESS IN THE PAUPER IS OUT ON BLUE RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM OGM OGM OMG OMG OGM
I just discovered your blog and it is AH-MAZING! No questions asked!
But anyway, as a long-time supporter of this blog, I have a few questions.
1) Why do you post things?
2) Why is the background a beach with palm trees?
3) Why is the moon on a 5 degree tilt?
4) Why are you reading this questions?
5) Why is this the last question?
When I was young and had longer legs, I could reach the sky. Now I can only hobble around begging for dog biscuits to feed my 123927323 dogs
I just found out that staring at turtles for long amounts of time can decrease brain activity by as much as 0%. So be careful.
Yooooo whats up in da place i am new to da place an i think tha this place could use someone to haul da plants cuz who has da time tuh eat when dere is dogs doing dumb deliberate dumping on my door??? YOOOO
Have you ever been involved in a terrible accident such as this one?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7bYXcPo-4I&feature=related
I haven't, except for that time when I ate some food off the ground.
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and we see it through
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
Some other folks might be
A little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them will ever love you the way I do
It's me and you
And as the years go by
Boys, our friendship will never die
You're gonna see
It's our destiny
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
I thought you might find this advice helpful. Click on my name, I linked it because I am a technology genius.
This is the reason I went to a carnival the other day and found a shoe worth a hundred socks.
Trap of a funnel's life is my name.
Eating food twice a day is my game.
And if I said anymore,
it would be lame.
Have you ever considered the strange ways that a spider spins a web?
I recently attended an amazing party. The main idea was to have a party. Most people decided that it was lame, but I liked it.
Here's a picture:
http://72.12.14.150/tdpyc/images/Pictures/2004star2/html/36.htm
I am in need of an engineer, so I went to the local grocery store. Unfortunately I was out of money and so I sold my wallet and it was worth $500 and then I bought an engineer and he designed a wallet for me.
This is really a great blog. thank you for putting in the time
I once had a pet towel, and I said to the towel:
"Do your best!"
I am selling a GREAT new product! It's called the Cooling Lobster 3000! It's a special lobster that cools you down!
It's available for just $9.99! Plus shipping and handling which is only $5029293.23! Only available for a limited time, so call now! Offer ends at midnight on January 1st, 1995
I recently went on a walk with my owner, Sala D. Spennahr, to the county dump. There was a computer and I turned it on and I saw your blog and I thought "Wow, this is an amazing blog!"
I just wanted to tell you that I will be putting all of the pictures on your blog on to my wall and then throwing heart-shaped stickers at them until I miss.
I am 94 years old and I still follow your blog regularly. There hasn't been an update in quite a while, but every day I look at this post and imagine that there is a new post.
Hey guess what? I just got a new car and the license plate is "BACK40P"!
Isn't that cool?
I was trying to read your blog, but I got this error message:
http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/2624/errormessage.png
I am wondering what to do! I think I only have 20 seconds left before it shuts dow
Sorry, the previous link didn't work.
http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/2624/errormessage.png/
I am now on a different computer, but the same thing is showing up! Help!
Uh-oh! I am now on my brother's computer but it has the same error message:
http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/2624/errormessage.png/
I am afraid I cannot visit your blog if this continues to shut down my computers!
I've never seen conduct as grateful and useful and eloquent as yours.
Thanks for the help,
Lady Margaret
"Life is like a flaming arrow. One end is on fire, the other is not."
It is my duty to sit in a chair 24 days, 7 days a week, one week a year.
I will never leave my post except if I get bored or if I am hungry.
I am very good at writing speeches.
Once I was visiting a doctor, and he gave me a piece of paper that described my medical conditions. It said "ineloquent"
DID YOU KNOW? September 27th is World Tourist Day!
DID YOU KNOW? The only animal in the world with 4 knees is the elephant?
DID YOU KNOW? If both participants are registered blood donors, dueling is legal in Paraguay?
DID YOU KNOW? The tone that car horns honk in America is F?
DID YOU KNOW? Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-Decimal category?
DID YOU KNOW? Human hair keeps growing for two months after death?
DID YOU KNOW? The surface area of the average brick is 79 square centimeters?
I DID TOO!
.
I am now selling beautiful crackers for the low low price of only 2 crackers per cracker.
Its so annoying because every time i try to comment i have to scrll all the way down and read every other comment and by that time ai forget what the post is about and therefore forget my comment and then have to scroll all the way up and hit the back button and then read the post then click the 'comment' button then scroll down and read all the comments then realize i forgot my comment then i have to try and think about what the post is about. thats when i realize i forgot the post and then i have to scroll up and then click the back button and then read the post and this time i wrote down the post and my comment on a paper i have laying around and clicked the 'comment' button and srolled down and by that time i forgot i had written it down so then i had to scroll up and click the back button and then read the post and i continued this until i forgot what a blog was so i had to gon on the internet and then i forgot what the internet was and then i jsu twent around my computer and then i forgot what a computer was, and then i found the piece of paper i wrote the comment on for the blog post but by that time i had forgotten what a blog, a computer, and the internet was so i burned it in this firepit in my room and then i forgot what a fire was and then i tried to brush my teeth with the remaining scraps and i coundn't because i had already forgotted what a toothbrush was and then i was seriously concerned so i left for my uncle dogfood's house and that is when i realized i had forgotten my shoes so i jumped out of his truck to get them and by that time he had driven away and i was left to sit on the street and make a crossword puzzle out of rocks.
I found this link on the webpage of someone I know very well. This clip is one of societies greatest heroes who rarely speak of their noble work. Please listen to this story. (You can click my name too.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Kou3rBfh8&feature=related
I am currently leaving my comment, as per your mandatory instructions at the top, labeled "Leave your comment". I am following these instructions with total sincerity and severity, so I expect the same from those who don't think it is worth their time.
"OOOOOOOOOH" Yelled the people, mad with rage,
It seems they didn't like being trapped in a cage,
So I opened the door, I set them free,
But all they did was imprison me.
Cornbread, it sings to me
Cornbread, it talks to me
Cornbread, it hums to me
Cornbread, it whistles to me
Cornbread, it calls to me
Cornbread, it speaks to me
Cornbread, it is tasty.
9 > 8
10 > x
x < 10
8 < 9
190 = y
x = 2 * y
What is x?
I AM SO INSPIRED BY THE COLOR OF THE BUTTON "PUBLISH YOUR COMMENT" THAT I AM GOING TO PRESS IT. THAT WILL BE ALL.
We seem to have a problem... A certain bridge is falling down!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3u6FD019_M&feature=player_embedded#at=19
Google Image Serch Of mine:
sad black and white girl carrying a crocodile by the tail in a magazine.
Somehow Google couln't find it...
I mean REALLY?!
"Be home in time for dinner!" yelled Miguel's mother, a pot of her famous "Stew Surprise" in one hand.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world" muttered Miguel, scurrying away through the alleyway.
But Miguel didn't come home for dinner.
I am secretly scared of scary things. But I wanted to entrust this secret to you so that, like a book that is kept in a cage full of disinfecting wipes, it will never grow mold.
I. LOVE. CANDY.
This is the exchange that occurred when I woke up this morning.
Computer: How many pages would you like to print?
Me: I would like to print this many pages.
Computer: How many pages would you like to print?
Me: Enough pages.
Guard: I am sorry for your loss I will send 9 other guards to your house and if they don't find you there they will know where to find you.
Gloria: I have another line: "Cornbread, Leave it in the oven too long and it will burn your tongue off."
Jee: X would equal something around 9013451345
Eydon: We have all felt tat way at one time or another, but at this time, no one cares.
VII:I hope I spelled your name right.
Swamp: That picture creeped me all the way to Pluto. I got back just in time for dinner. at which Miguel was not present.
Candylover: When you open that chocolate bar you are holding you will find a Willy Wonka golden ticket. you can thank me later.
Wolfhound:I LOVE YOU!
Sebbi: No one cares.
I hope you ALL took these replies to heart. I meant each sincerely.(sorry Sebbi)
I gave you some letters!!! Here they are:
abcdehfjaklleiisanhfnjkldlla
You're welcome!
Hi. My name is Harry Moonbeam and I am in the business of changing, manipulating, and mutating famous quotes. Do you not understand this? Well then here is a sample:
Original Quote: "The hills are alive with the sound of music."
Mutated Version: "The hog is alive with the sound of chowing on tons of food."
I don't have much time to explain the science of it, but basically i just change parts of the quotes I don't agree with or if I don't think parts are necessary to the quote.
Thank you for taking a moment to be educated on the subtle science and exact art of quote mutation.
Also, if you would like more examples of my work just email, call or comment more on this blog.
I hate it when I get killed in Mario!!!!!
Tooth: it is a part of life.
If you have a scratch on the exterior of your ear, first try and see if there is dirt on it by using a full length mirror with optional ear scope. If it is dirt, use a crumb cone to scrub, scrub, scrub and try to remove it.
If the Crumb Cone doesn't work use a Dynamite Doppler device. (I actually would not advise this unless a situation presents itself where you can not use the crumb cone to remove some dirt that is bothering you).
If it is not dirt you might have to take a sample of the unknown substance and perform titration to find out its pH, but first you must find out if it is an acid or base.
I hope this helps anyone with an unknown substance on the exterior of their ear!
Hey, I am a big fan of your blog! umm I just had a request if you could shorten your blog name? I definitely don't want to be any trouble, but I just adopted this baby sloth, and the name can only have six characters.
Thank you for your time, and please respond!
I was playing pool the other day, and then I used a special technique I call "the Scum shot". Essentially, it consists of hitting the white cue ball with a long pointy stick. Then I cheer on the ball and it raises morale and then I usually win or else I punch the opponent.
A dog barked,
A car parked,
A cat meowed,
A cow cowed,
A frog croaked,
A fish got soaked,
A tree grew,
A mailbox flew,
An airplane soared,
A cat roared,
A flower pot sat still,
A dog sat on a grill,
A snake threw a punch,
A mouse became lunch
my knee got dislocated,
Your blog relocated.
~R.T.
Your carpet is now clean.
I simply adore your blog! In fact, I work at WTSMCC, or the Water Table Surveying, Management, and Control Corporation, and in honor of this post I changed the water table data for every area that had "back" in the name to 40!
Strangely, the newest survey results say that over 80% of rural and woodland areas have alarmingly low water table levels... but it's worth it!
How Lightning Occurs:
Once upon a time, there was a clever fox who knew how to build thermonuclear reactors. The fox then constructed a pair of wings and flew up into the sky. Unfortunately, as he was flying, the thermonuclear reactor caught his tail on fire, but luckily it also cloned him 400 times. To this day, the foxes fly around in the sky and occasionally they get tired from flying and their tales droop, which looks like lightning and set things on fire.
Hey bloggers, I am going to a designr kleenex shop and I was wondering if I could pick you up anything. Just say the word and you will get what you deserve(a new designer kleenex box)
Hey I'm back for more! Here is my most recent poem:
Owls have eyes,
Pizza comes with fries,
The Mayflower sailed,
My postcard was mailed,
Dogs eat bones,
Foxes are cloned,
Cows fly around,
Elephants weigh a pound,
Buses stop at stops,
Einstein invented mops,
Smoke goes up in spirals,
Trees grow out of silos,
A football turns green,
A carpet has been cleaned,
Yarn is small and thin,
Cookie come in a tin,
I was out of luck,
When your blog left in a moving truck.
~R.T.
Hey I'm back for more! Here is my most recent poem:
Owls have eyes,
Pizza comes with fries,
The Mayflower sailed,
My postcard was mailed,
Dogs eat bones,
Foxes are cloned,
Cows fly around,
Elephants weigh a pound,
Buses stop at stops,
Einstein invented mops,
Smoke goes up in spirals,
Trees grow out of silos,
A football turns green,
A carpet has been cleaned,
Yarn is small and thin,
Cookie come in a tin,
I was out of luck,
When your blog left in a moving truck.
~R.T.
I made a cake for your one-hundredth comment! It's sooooo cool! I even included some of the pictures from your blog in frosting form, except I kinda messed up some of them... here's a picture of the finished product! I'm so proud!
http://cdn.mos.totalfilm.com/images/s/shrek-the-congealed-bogeys-of-a-thousand-maniacs-cake-630-75.jpg
OKAY I AM major scared here because I found a quote online and it seemed to be written in a way to scare someone, even a small little girl, that is how evil it sounded. I remember when I saw it for the first time. I started running around the house yelling and dialing random numbers on the phone and telling people not to go on the website which the quote was on. After this I got in my car and put random addresses into my GPS and drove around to houses and told them not to look at the quote. Afer that I couldn't think of any other way to warn the public.
If you do want to read the quote, I have posted it in the google textbox thingy, but I wouldn't advise it.
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=%22Dreams+really+do+come+true%22-Unknown&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=%22Dreams+really+do+come+true%22-Unknown&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=221dd4d880cf3b2&biw=1585&bih=698
Time for a special announcement from yours truly:
THERE HAS BEEN A THEFT IN THE STORE CALLED "Jim's Sorcery Equipment and Rocks". THIS OCCURRED AT APPROXIMATELY 0800 HOURS AND CAUSED ONE INJURY TO THE OWNER OF THE SHOP, SORCERER JIM. THE ONLY GLIMPSE HE CAUGHT OF THE CRIMINAL WAS SO TERRIBLE THAT HIS EYE SOCKETS WERE BURNT. THE MONEY THAT HE GOT FROM LETTING NEWSPAPERS AND MUSEUMS TAKE PICTURES OF THIS PHENOMENON MADE UP FOR THE THEFT.
As you can see, I am a world-class reporter.
I'm a famous chef from Venice, Kenya. Are you a famous blogger?
OMG! Have you, like, ever seen anything as, like, omg-F-REAKYYYY as this? I didn't think so! Like omg! lollll its sooo like funny and stuff haha XPPPP
I WILL CHANGE YOUR VIEW!
I just read all of these comments. Here is a timeline of my life:
1954: Born
1960: Learned to read
1961: Clicked the comments button on Lone Wolf Photography
1961-90: Read comments
1991: Died
Cause of death: Overexposure to awesomeness
Excuse me, but I think that there may be a problem with your blog. The link you provided DOES. NOT. WORK.
I request that you fix this problem as it has already cost my company four dollars and I am concerned for the economic stability of my company.
I have a dream. My dream has three simple parts: part one part two and part three.
once i think of a dream to go with these parts I will be sure to post it on this blog
I have just encountered a most terrible fate; I have been swallowed by a mad toaster oven. This toaster oven has a special button for popcorn and when I pushed it, I got swallowed instead.
I intend to file a complaint for a defective popcorn button. Also I will have to get out of the microwave first because I am currently slightly cramped with only 20.01% of the amount of space I occupy while standing up.
I live in a very nice house. Or, I should say, I lived in a very nice house, because it was stolen from me and turned into a ride and then put in Disneyland. This is my house.
http://disneyland.disney.go.com/disneyland/haunted-mansion/?name=HauntedMansionAttractionPage&bhcp=1
By the way, the haunted stuff was not there when I owned it. Also it used to be a rundown shack.
HELP ME!!!
Right now I am stuck at the bottom of a river trapped in a boat with no oars or food and no one is keeping me company except this one fish that looks suspisiously like an ox.
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!
It truly brings tears to my eyes that all these boggers have something to say, or else they wouldn't be posting.
Here is my schedule for today:
6:30 am: Wake up
6:45 am: Drink lots of coffee
7:02 am: Draw a watercolor picture
9:00 pm: Finish watercolor picture
9:01 pm: Target practice with flaming bow and arrow on watercolor picture
11:00 pm: Burn down apartment
11:04 pm: Change name to Swantro Swum and move to Italy
Here is the timeline of Dr. Pelican B. Rhodes:
1978: Gets killed in car accident
1981: Lies about a stolen birdbath he did not steal
1991: Becomes famous
1992: Stops fame by hitting yellow button
1993: Grows an extra leg
1994: Passes first grade math
1998: Passes the rest of first grade
I researched him for a long time but I still think I may have gotten some dates mixed up.. so sorry about that.
To read this comment, enter your name and date of death in the little box.
Thank you.
This is what happened when I talked to the barber today.
Me: Yo watsup barber, can you cut my hair please?
Barber: Sure, how would you like it cut?
Me: Short enough to fit, but long enough to be practical.
Barber: I beg your pardon?
Me: There's no need to beg.
Barber: I meant, what did you-
Me: JUST CUT MY HAIR ALREADY!
Barber: Okay, okay.
(a few minutes later)
Barber: I found a cantaloupe in your hair.
Me: I was saving it for later.
(a few minutes later)
Barber: I found a live cobra in your hair.
Me: I was saving it for later.
Barber: Pardon me?
Me: You are pardoned.
(a few minutes later)
Barber: Okay, I am finished!
Me: (looking in mirror) It's horrible! How dare you cut my hair! I liked it the way it was!
Barber: But sir, you asked me to!
Me: Do I look like a cobra to you?
Barber: Uh, no, but-
Me: That's right! You'd better remember that!
My dog: Woof! Woof Woof!
A Lady Sitting in the Lobby: I agree with this little shellfish.
Me: It's a dog!
Barber: I can cut hair better than any other barber in this shop.
My dog: Woof! Woof! Woooooooof!
Lady: I have never heard any wiser poetry.
Me: How about Beethoven's Fifth?
Barber: That is not poetry.
Me: Then it must be money!
My dog: Woof! Woof!
Lady: See, the shellfish agrees!
Barber: Okay, if you can hum the tune of that song then I will accept it as monetary payment.
Me: NEVER SAY NEVER!
Barber: That is not-
My dog: WOOOOOF!
Barber: Hold it, dogs aren't even allowed!
Lady: I let him in. He's a cute shellfish.
Me: HE'S NOT A SHELLF- Wait a minute, you're right!
Barber: Okay!
Okay I am a reporter out of work and I was thinking of something I could cover to get my job back. If anyone sets a record for being able to juggle, buy a cranberry, chew gum, read a newspaper, mow the lawn, learn how to use a stethascope, crochet, use a Q tip to clean out your ear, get the mail, and ladle out soup all at the same time, PLEASE let me know because if I cover this event my boss says he will give me my job back!!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't that great??!! so please respond!!
**and I am sorry but if you already know how to use a stethescope you can not participate as it would give you an unfair advantage.
AHHHH I am soo sorry Mrs. Reporter Lady but I have some questions about your contest/record. How high does the grass have to be to mow, and also does it matter which section of the news paper you read and also am i automatically disqualified because of the huge grasshopper that lives under my porch??
please answer because this contest/record sounds just like my kind of thing!!
My identical twin brother is really bad at managing his pet shellfish. I, on the other hand, own a pet shop. This is what happened the other day.
Me: Hello and welcome to Grott's Pets! How may I help you today?
Customer: Well, I was looking for some groceries.
Me: We don't sell groceries, only pets. Would you like to purchase a pet?
Customer: Well... is broccoli a pet?
Me: No. We do not carry broccoli. It-
Customer: Do you not carry it because it is too heavy?
Me: (taking deep breaths) No, when I said "we do not carry" I meant it wasn't in the store.
Customer: Oh. Well where can I buy some?
Me: This is a pet shop, not a map service! Find out yourself!
Customer: Oh okay. It's just that I saw an advertisement for broccoli and it said this address so I came to this address but now you are saying broccoli is really heavy so I'm not sure I want it anymore.
Me: Lemme see that ad!
(a few seconds later)
Me: This says PARROTS not broccoli!
Customer: Oh. Sorry I forgot to look at the word.
Me: (taking extremely deep breaths) Okay, are you going to browse the store or not?
Customer: Yes please. (walks out)
(a few hours later)
Me: Hello and welcome to Grott's Pets! How may I help you today?
Customer #2: Oh hello there. I was looking for some broccoli.
Me: What is up with broccoli these days?
Customer #2: Well it is usually green, you see. And I am trying to eat healthy because it's healthy for you.
Me: Uh... right. Well anyway, why are you looking for broccoli here?
Customer #2: Well I saw this advertisement that says to come to this address for broccoli.
Me: WHAT? LEMME SEE THAT!
(a few seconds later)
Me: This says PARROTS not broccoli! Are you sure you don't have, say, a brother or something?
Customer #2: No, I don't. Can I look around a while?
Me: Uh... sure. Just don't look for broccoli because you won't find any.
(a few minutes later)
Customer #2: (walks up to counter) Hello can I buy this parrot food?
Me: Do you have a parrot?
Customer #2: No, why?
Me: Then why do you want parrot food?
Customer #2: The packaging is colorful and pretty.
Me: (rolls eyes) Um... are you sure?
Customer #2: Oh, yes please!
Me: Okay... (starts ringing up parrot food)
Customer #2: (chatting) By the way, it's really hot in your store. I need to take off this jacket.
Me: You're not wearing a jacket...
Customer #2: (rips off skin, turns into Customer #1)
Me: Hold on, this was a disguise?
Customer: Oops. Uh... Look over there!
Me: (looks over there)
Customer: (rips off skin, turns into Albert Einstein)
Me: (looks back) WHO ARE YOU?
Albert Einstein: I invented the mop.
Me: Oh okay then. Well have this complimentary parrot food for free.
Albert Einstein: Thanks dude! (rips off skin, turns into guy in a chicken suit)
Me: WHAT?
Chicken Suit Guy: This is my natural skin.
Me: (faints)
Chicken Suit Guy: (robs store)
Hello Mark,
I recently got fired from my job as a water table data manager, and so now I work at a post office where my job is to laugh at people who walk into the store to lower their self-esteem and make them walk out again. I am very good at my job, even though it is self-appointed and I am not paid. I like my job very much and the career counselor in high school told me that happiness in my job is very important so I consider this a step forward.
The other day I saw a "free carwash" sign and I thought of your blog. I think you should go on world tour and find interesting things such as these to photograph!
I am a genius mechanic and I can fix anything that is presented to me so long as I have a wrench and a phone. The phone is for calling a repair crew, and the wrench is for hitting the phone with when it doesn't work.
Have you ever fallen into a river,
And never gotten out yet continued to shiver,
Did you know I am great at raquet sports,
I can also ride on a horse,
And the coolest cat has lots of gold,
And does real estate when it is sold,
But if his property doesn't sell,
Then he screams and yells.
Once I saw a plane and it had a metal underside. Let us stop and contemplate this.
1. The plane was in the sky
2. The metal was part of the plane
3. The plane was above me
Therefore, we can determine that I was lower than the sky during the time that the incident occurred. This is good because if I was not below the sky I might have been in the airplane and then I would be close to the metal. I am allergic to metal which is why I wear armor at all hours of the day so that I can build up a resistance to metal allergies but so far it has only killed me 4,092 times. And break out in spores once.
I have discovered that the best way to destroy a monster is to use Insta-Monster-B-Gone spray. It comes in a rust-proof container that can spray out one end and is solid gold on the other, which can be used as an emergency whistle in case you happen to be in an emergency where you have a whistle and some tape to stick it to the gold part with.
Hey I am the guy a few comments up with the gigantic grasshopper under my porch. I just want to share a little bit more about that.
So when we bought the house, we knew there was a myth about a grass hopper living under the porch. The myth was that our house was in the exact spot that the ancient city of Troy was. And apparently according to the myth, the trojan horse was all a lie and, yes you guessed, it was actually a Trojan Grasshopper.
You may ask, if we knew about the myth, why didn't we buy a different house? Well the answer is this. We had been looking for a house for thirteen years and had not found one. and I mean this literally because we were shopping in the Sahara Desert.
We found the grasshopper under the porch after a group of sparrows held up a bunch of burning sticks to to form the words "THERE IS A GRASSHOPPER UNDER YOUR PORCH". and how did we know it was big? We came across some doctor papers for regular grass hopper checkups and the weight was 2342 pounds and 3 ounces! After reading this, my wife and I built a tree adn then built a tree house to live in and never left.
(in fact we are still here)
Yesterday I was sitting on a peaceful park bench when suddenly the peace was interrupted by a strange person. This is the scoop.
Me: Ahh, what a peaceful day.
Stranger: It's not peaceful unless there is peace.
Me: AH! Where did you come from?
Stranger: All is not as it seems.
Me: Well yes, I gathered that.
Stranger: Happiness is everywhere, so long as we look for it.
Me: Excuse me, will you stop talking in enigmatic quotes and tell me who you are?
Stranger: Psst, can you keep a secret?
Me: Yes, of course!
Stranger: Okay, well... You see I am actually the town mayor, but I was forced to go undercover because a mob of people told me too.
Me: (jumps up) HEY EVERYONE THIS IS THE MAYOR!
Mayor: I thought you said this was a secret?
Me: I said no such thing!
Mayor: Well I will be leaving now!
Angry Mob: Not so fast! I demand you go undercover again!
Mayor: Well that won't work now that the whole town is looking at me, will it?
Whole Town: (looks away)
Angry Mob: Hah! You have been defeated again!
Batman: Not so fast!
Mayor: Oh not, my mortal enemy Shellfishman!
Batman: I am Batman, not Shellfishman, and I am here to help you!
Mayor: Well then, get your rear in gear and start helping!
Angry Mob: Oh no, we don't stand a chance against Shellfishman!
Batman: IT'S NOT SHELLFISHMAN!
Me: I think I'll be leaving now...
I walked away from the scene, but I heard several monologues so I think they were having a debate or political speeches or playing tic-tac-toe or something of that caliber.
Hey <>,
Thanks for trying out <>! It really means a lot to us. For using our services, you've won an iPad 19! Claim this prize by entering your address and e-mail.
This is NOT A SCAM! I REPEAT, NOT A SCAM! I REPEAT AGAIN, NOT A SCAM!
You are the tomato.
I am the pear.
together we are a pear and a tomato.
apart we are a pear and a tomato.
We are always a pear and a tomato.
I just found a really cool website! It lets you translate text from one language to another! I have already used it for at least 4 uses!
Lemme guess, you want the link, right? Of course! Well here:
http://translate.google.com/#
dreaming leads to drought.
ya kno why dis statement is true?
becuz once a man dreamed there was a drought and he woke up and of course, dreams really do come true.
I am making a biography on the life and times of Abraham Lincoln. Here it is.
1308: Was born in Redmond, NV
1407: Founded his first Confectionary Shoppe
1415: Was almost assassinated, but his bodyguard deflected the blow with a nearby vase of flowers.
1416: Vanished off the face of the Earth and was never seen again
1678: Was seen by local tourists
1979: Recieved two extra arms in a contest to get the most extra arms.
1812: Died a tragic death involving a theater and at least sixteen cannons.
I'm a friend. I'm an ennemy. I'm a loyal dog. I am a trash can. I am a tomato can. I am a piece of garbage left by the side of the road.
Alright, what am I?
The answer is:
a friend
an ennemy
a loyal dog
a trash can
a tomato can
a piece of garbage left by the side of the road.
Good one, huh?
sdsdfkll;kalkslka s djkasld falsk jla;sdjk fa;lsja; alksdj f;alskjd
heh heh, jut cleaning mah keyboard...
I once constructed a building made from stones, bricks, metal, glass, cattle, refrigerators, paneling, real wood, artificial wood, genuine wood, Tiger Woods, glass, cloth, fabric, textiles, woven basket materials, zebras, glass, and sticky notes. Most of the building toppled over when somebody walked inside, but it received an award for "creativity and effort" so that was alright.
Once I was on a roller coaster, and this is what happened.
Attendant: You are too short to ride this rollercoaster.
Me: YOU THINK THIS IS TRUE, HUH?
Attendant: Yes. You are clearly below this red line.
Me: Well, what if I stand on someone's head?
Attendant: Not only would that be rather rude, it would also not qualify you to ride this rollercoaster because you are not allowed to be on somebody's head during the ride.
Me: Hmm... so what would happen if I painted the line green?
Attendant: You cannot paint the line green because you do not have any green paint.
Me: Did you just say the word "paint"?
Attendant: Yes, why?
Me: (uses moment of distraction to run onto rollercoaster)
Attendant: STOP THAT KID!
Me: I'm not a kid! I am 4 years old and that counts!
Attendant: Oh okay then.
(a few minutes later)
Me: Excuse me but can I ride on your head? I am scared of heights so I want to be comforted.
Doug: No thanks. But anyway, wouldn't that just make you higher?
Me: I didn't think of that... hm... maybe you could sit upside down so that I will be lower when I stand on your head.
Doug: I will most certainly not sit upside down on this rollercoaster because I just ate some very delicious pastries and I want to keep them down, thank you very much.
Me: What if I paid you fifteen dollars?
Doug: DONE DEAL! And you can keep the fifteen dollars because I am just SO EXCITED to help! Let's do this!
(a few minutes later)
Me: Well now that we are plummeting off of the rollercoaster tracks due to not being in our seats properly, do you want those fifteen dollars?
Randy: I don't know what you are talking about!
Me: OMG you are not Doug! Where's Doug?
Randy: Well don't ask me!
Me: Wait, do you know where Doug is?
Randy: Why yes, he is sitting in that rollercoaster. I am his trained bodyguard and as soon as he fell out, I pulled him back inside the rollercoaster.
Me: Then how did you fall out?
Randy: I didn't, I just jumped out because I like extreme sports and it doesn't get much more extreme that this.
Me: Have you noticed that we haven't hit the ground yet?
Randy: No.
Me: Oh okay then.
(a few minutes later)
Me: This is awekward...
Randy: Yeah, I know.
Me: How high up were we? It's been a long time and we haven't even touched the ground yet!
Randy: Maybe we are falling the wrong direction?
Me: Don't be dumb.
Randy: No seriously, look down
Me: My neck was paralyzed in a tragic accident and I can't look in any direction but straight forward and to the sides.
Randy: That's okay, I brought a periscope so you can just look down.
Me: Oh okay thanks for the help, I appreciate it.
Randy: No problem pal.
Me: My name isn't pal.
Randy: Yes it is.
Me: You're right, how did you guess?
Randy: I forgot. Sorry I forget these things a lot. When I think of it I will tell you, but in the meantime let's just say I am psychic.
Me: Okay.
Randy: Oh wait I just remembered; I looked at your name tag.
(a few minutes later)
Me: I just realized something.
Randy: What?
Me: We aren't actually falling.
Randy: Don't be dumb.
Me: Oh sorry, I'll stop.
That was my entire adventure. Pretty fun, eh?
Soap Suds are not to be trifled with, apparently. The other day I tried to trifle with a Soap Sud and it stopped me in my tracks. I was scared, but not THAT scared. But like, a little scared. You know, like kinda scared but not TOO scared, just a sorta in-between scaredness level that was just kinda... semi-scared. Like as in it wasn't just all that scared but in perspective I was definitely scared, but not to the point where I would say "I was VERY scared" just kinda shy of that point. So you know, not totally scared but kinda half-scared or like just shy of being very scared or extremely scared, and I was definitely scared, but it wasn't TOO scary by any means.
I have many types of money. My entire list is as follows:
1 dollar
1 cent
1 euro
1 encyclo
1 golden balloon trophy from mars
218192038171637 sand dollars
I live near the beach, and my favorite sport is collecting money on the beach, which is why I am really good at it because it is my favorite.
My name is BRUDE.
I am very RUDE.
I only eat things that are STEWED.
Because Stew is my favorite FOOD.
But once I got stew that was half-CHEWED.
So then, the restaurant I SUED.
I am now very rich.
I live in an arctic wasteland filled with nothing but arctic items and wasteland items. This is highly depressing but I manage to live through it because I have a magic flashlight that shine light out one end and has a switch on the side.
Oh Mark, listening to your voice is like listening to a recording of your voice.
I like this blog a lot but the move has affected me negatively in the heart, liver, skin, brain, kidney, and hand.
WoW MaRk YoU ReAlLy KnOw HoW tO gEt FoLlOwErS aNd CoMmEnTeRs YeAh!
KeEp Up ThE gOoD WoRk!
Whenever I am feeling sad, I always drink a special blend of herbs that is said to make people happy. It doesn't work, so don't try it.
But I do it anyway because if it did work one day, then I would plant those herbs in my garden so that the pillbugs could be happy.
I just got a job with a corporation that sells supplies to people who are lost. Unfortunately this means that the business is in the middle of a forest and nobody has found it yet, so I really don't have anything to do. But they still pay me so it's a pretty good deal.
Revenge of the Bunnies Movie Summary:
"The bunnies attack and then they get revenge and then they are happy because they win"
I once saw a miraculous sight, but I lost sight of it and so I am now unhappy. But that is not important when you think of how cool other things are.
This is the date and time:
You know Mark, I was going to bake you a cake, but then I forgot to bake you a cake so I will just have to leave you with this poem instead:
Water runs,
Wind howls,
The moon crosses the sky
A cat meows
A dog sleeps
Happy Birthday!
Except I don't have enough time to edit out the "Happy Birthday" bit so just pretend that says "Congrats on getting 150 comments!"
I am a Common Spotted Cuscus
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
is it healthy to laugh this much?
Question: Is it healthy to laugh this much?
Hypothesis: I predict if I laugh this much then it will be healthy.
Materials:
Person
Handbag
Funny thing
Procedure:
1. Gather Materials
2. Perform investigation
Calculations:
1+6=7
3+6=9
Data:
Trial 1: 2345 grams
Trial 2: 123423 grams
Trial 3: 2341234 dogs
Okay I am not sure what all of this means so it is your job to write the conclusion.
Hello there Mark.
You may or may not or may or may not or may, in fact, but you may not and maybe may but you may not or may or even may not, but you may or may not know the following:
Your blog moved.
WOAH! I am so happy! I just got a job working for this little restaurant called "The Extinct Dinosaurs" and basically it is a restaurant that serves pastries and the theme of the restaurant is that of sparkly and shiny things, such as sequins and mirrors.
I was swimming in the television today when a firefighter slid down a metaphysical railroad into a pile of buildings, which he drank before curtsying off into the blinding darkness. Then a striped giraffe drove past in a cup of noodles, which were actually titanium skunks, before greeting a wall that was behind him and to the left of me, and began jumping on a cloud.
I'm looking forward to the orthodontist tomorrow!
I'm about to say a lot of numbers, but only one of them is significant:
27
1456
2
2335
2336
0398
920200445
34
55
1
3902
9003
3.14159265358979323
20811
0.0
1800342
W
188372
9983
Get it? The important one is "1" because it's the only "one" that is important! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey so I was wondering, could you just leave a callback number already? Gosh!
I was thinking, since tomorrow is two days from yesterday, we should hold a special ceremony in which everyone wears beautiful hats and the theme is "mud". So could you be in charge of crafts? Click my name for a link that has some ideas.
Hey there everyone,
I am part of a company called "Jill's very official business which sells beetle statues". It is named this in order to make it sound more official, but trust me it is very official. Anyway, we are having a sale soon and I was wondering how much you guys are interested in this sort of thing on a scale of one to ten.
Please reply with a comment on how much you would be interested in a beetle statue sale.
'mornin' brother bro!! You are mahh bff ya know!! If I saw ya in the snow, I would take a tracter and turn it into a cow.
if you pester me I SWEAR I WILL HIT YOU FIVE TIMES IN THE HEAD NINE TIMES IN THE FACE AND TWELVE TIMES IN THE EAR YO
hey Mark, you are sooo cool I could just like turn into an icecube if you get what I’m sayi;c nyemma;lkjhgfds;lkjhgfds;lkjhgfdsak8j7nk87se;foviwtr;iltbnw8oituikf
Highlighters are soooo useful! The other day I had this piece of paper and I had to find the important parts, and then I highlighted them and I got the highest grade in the class on the test, which was 16% and now I am really happy. Just had to throw that out there.
Olá mark que eu realmente amo o seu blog! É muito interessante! Eles continuam o bom trabalho!
In the old days, no one would care if I woke up and tried on a pair of pants that didn't fit.
now if i tried that prank i would probably have half the coast guard in my backyard.
If only once in the last year I have been happy, it would have been when my mom told me to hang out the old socks so we could buy new ones.
the things you remember, ehh??
Two years have gone by and I still can't remember my dogs name.
oh well. time to get a new one!!
Hey this is a great blog! If I was human it would be even better!
Yah know what creeps me out?
when people walk around in public.
Im like JEEZ what does it take to getsome sense into these people???????
I was all alone.
there was no one around.
my doctor asked for a phone,
all he got was a hound.
When we burst into tears,
no on was there,
so he got a job at sears,
and dyed his hair (green)
This blog reminds me of the time when I was nine and we were driving back from the grocery store and I sat on the milk container by accident and my bum got really unnaturally cold. My first thought was that there were dementors in the milk, but then common sense hit me in the face and I got knocked out cold. I was still cold so I unbuckled my seatbelt searching for the black cloaks and rattling breaths( dementors trademark). At this point realization hit me with the force of a small bomb and I was blasted into the backseat, the milk carton and the rest of the groceries went flying. I was awake by the time we got home, and was just in time to be hit across the face by the wave of cool winter breeze that flowed into he car when the door was opened.
It went on and on for anew days until my mom had the sense to mail me to arizona
Thirty years ago i found evidence of what some scientists call "the stage age"
The evidence was an old stage buried beneath my house
If you show your face here I will have a tarp ready to throw onto your head
Guess what's weird? Socks! I mean how strange are those things? There's no way to tell which one is the right sock and which one is the left sock and I spend hours every day trying to figure out which one to put on which foot!
I think sock manufacturers have a lot to answer for!
Ever heard of the "Deep-water blues boys"? They're the best band this side of the Mississippi! Unfortunately on their first concert, which was underwater like all of their concerts, they forgot the scuba gear and sank to the bottom of the ocean.
You know what is the most versatile and amazing building material ever?
Well of course you don't know because I haven't told you yet. SO STOP PRETENDING!!!
There are some decisions in life I seriously regret.
1. Buying a red car.
2. Setting fire to my entire investment.
3. Eating a bumblebee.
4. Ice Skating in July.
5. Eating a telephone pole.
If only I could reverse these decisions, my life would be good again.
Hey there Hamphrey,
I am really sorry for your loss and I am committed to help you by composing a beautiful poem to soothe your sorrow. It goes like this:
Money is nothing.
Nobody needs it.
If you lose it all, you will be fine.
Except that you can buy lots of things with it.
And that without it you might starve.
But try to ignore those facts.
I hope it helps, friend.
Here is a simple way to break a glass vase:
1. Build a large tower (for maximum results, it should be 300 meters
tall, or taller).
2. Place an egg on a frying pan.
3. Steal a carnival in the dead of night, and then take the carousel from the stolen carnival and put it on it's side.
4. Use duct tape to secure a live skunk on one of the horses in the carousel.
5. Use the remaining parts of the carnival to build a nuclear reactor (if there are any additional parts you need, buy them from your local department store).
6. Use the nuclear reactor to power the giant automatic slingshot
7. Simultaneously launch the vase out of the slingshot and throw the carousel up in the air with the help of a few friends.
8. Purchase both a time machine and a giant automatic slingshot, and then go back in time to before step 6 and give yourself the slingshot.
9. Before the carousel and vase collide, launch yourself out of the slingshot and try to go faster than the vase if you can by making swimming motions with your arms. If you're lucky, you can get inbetween them and coat them both in shaving cream to cushion the impact.
10. Have your friends demolish the base of the tower, so that as the vase coated in shaving cream and a carousel falls, the tower falls on top of it and smashes it into the ground. During this process, stand on the carousel and try to jump off at the last minute.
Now dig through the wreckage and find the broken vase.
The family business: Building Dry-Cleaning Facilities
The family fortune: A pile of a golden toothpicks and a rather sad-looking dog
The family name: Kentuckerminmunbendah
The family game: Monopoly
These are some facts about my family.
Hamphrey, you made me cry. I had no idea some families go through that kind of struggle.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE MADE ME CRY? The kindness of one Daniel G. Trunk, a random blogger in the bloggerverse, who saw your trouble and took time out of his day to compose a comforting poem.
Now thats what I call a baseball waiting to hatch!
HEY easy tips and tricks!
I tried your 'recipe' or 'procedure' but I got a nasty NASTY side effect that YOU did not warn me whatsoever about!
WHAT THE HECK WERE THE FLYING MAILBOXES TRYING TO TIE UP THE BOAT???!!!! HUH? HUH?? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THEM??!!!
NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO HOW
I SAW A MOVIE CALLED "CAPPY" AND THERE WAS A PURPLE COW!
If you add an apostrophe to the end of a sentence, it becomes cooler. For example:
I walked my dog to the supermarket but then he turned green.
becomes cooler if you add an apostrophe like:
I walked my dog to the supermarket but then he turned green'.
SEE? Isn't that cool?
"Don't lie to me Kent."
"I wasn't lying! I am standing up!"
That is the start of my play which I am writing. I plan to develop it a bit and maybe provide some background for this "Kent" character but yah, I'm planning this as the main punchline/plot element.
I grabbed it.
I threw it.
He hit it.
It was a baseball.
I recently started working for this beautiful company called "Jrab Furnishings" which makes furnishings that are very colorful and beautiful. However, they have a very interesting method of selling which consists of throwing pinecones at somebody until they agree to pay for the cost to build furniture, then they are given a different piece of furniture and then some complicated contracts are signed which somehow creates a profit. Anyway, I am happy with my job and hope to prosper.
There are only four foods in the world which are better than spaghetti! They are Horseradish, Candy, Alfredo Sauce, and Hydrogenated Lightning. I am taking a cooking class in which we learn really cool tidbits like this!
Hey, would you like to buy a special potion made from only pure ingredients such as mud, leaves, dumpsters, dumpster contents, and soil? It is mostly natural and somewhat healthy but try to avoid drinking it because it is very bad for the health of the drinker.
Hey Drinker O' Juice,
I would be interested in purchasing a potion, except I had a few questions. Firstly, is there any way to purchase a version that comes, say, without additives such as dumpsters and dumpster contents, because they are bad for my diet, and also am I still allowed to purchase it despite wearing the color red every day?
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM KOOLOOK THE FLYER. I CAN FLY BECAUSE I HAVE MAGICAL WINGS THAT APPEAR ONLY WHEN BLUE. THEY ARE REALLY COOL AND GREEN COLORED.
I LOOOOOOOVE YOUR BLOG! It is like a light in the night, a shadow in the sun, a crystal in a pillager's house, a grape flavored candy in a tube of lemon candies, etc. I really like how it's constantly updated and how many pictures there are.
Anything in the world has different versions, because everything progresses over time. Therefore something that is non-existent can not exist.
Beware my fearsome growl. Beware my fearsome howl. Beware my fearsome claws. Beware my fearsome paws. Beware my fearsome eyes. Beware my fearsome lies. Beware my fearsome nose. Beware my fearsome pose. Beware my fearsome back. Beware my fearsome pack. Beware my fearsome tail. Beware my fearsome snail.
I have a story to share,
I have a life to bear
I have a cookie to eat,
I have a steak with some meat,
I have a cat with rabies,
I have a moose that likes to hop around on my bike.
I have a story to share,
I have a life to bear
-Radioactive Ralph
I just don't understand why people can't just get up and leave. Imagine what would happen in the following situations if people actually just got up in the middle of the event and left.
-Barber Shop
-Surgery
-Donut Lab
-School
-Driving to work
-Buying a coffee machine
-Starting a fire
SPREAD THE WORD!
Me: Hello there mister i'd like to buy some scrumptious food!
Clerk: Well, we have all sorts of food and other groceries on those shelves over there.
Me: Uh well my head is sore so I was wondering if you could get it for me?
Clerk: I can't just leave my post! There's already 5 people waiting in the checkout line because you're holding it up!
Me: Well yeah but my head is too sore to walk over there.
Clerk: Why is your head sore?
Me: Oh thanks for asking. You see it was because there was this bear on the side of the road and then somebody just jumped out of the bushes and punched me in the head. And seriously that was not so nice so I told her that she was hurting my feelings but then she jumped in a toilet and flushed herself down. I think it was to the ministry of magic but I can't be sure. Anyway then I ran away from the bear and I tripped and then I hurt my head again and I thought "wow this is familiar" when the bear suddenly jumped over me and ran into the High Inquisitor.
Clerk: Ah, I see... well as believable as your tale is, I think you can get it yourself. There are already 9 people waiting in line for checkout!
Me: But I really don't want to walk over there! My head is just sooo sore!
Clerk: Well I suppose I could… if you gave me some… you know…
Me: OOOOOOH I GET IT SOME FOOD!!! Yeah I have a bunch of food in my pocket here lemme get it out.
Clerk: Uh no, I meant… well… money…
Me: OOOOH! I GET IT! Well I don’t have any of that but you see well I have this food here.
Clerk: Well without money you can’t buy any food you see… and besides if your pockets are full of food why do you want to buy some???
Me: Wait could you repeat that I was busy humming a tune I learned the other day. It is called “Miraculous night filled with Camels and Fright” I learned it from a man with a blue shirt.
Clerk: I said Why do you want food if you already have so much? And also there are 24 people waiting in line Friday checkout so could you just leave mister???
Me: Oh okay sure. Wait could you guide me to the scrumptious food?
Clerk: SIR! I CANNOT LEAVE MY POST NOW LEAVE!
Lady in line: Hey dude, what’s the holdup? I have to buy some poison because… well I just have to buy some stuff! So hurry up!
Me: Oh I wish I could but you see this mean man won’t show me the scrumptious food.
Lady in line: OH MY DEAR how terrible! I will knock some sense into him! (punches clerk)
Clerk: Excuse me miss, please don’t hit me like that! It hurts my arm!
Lady in line: Well you deserve it now stop whining stop complaining and start jumping!
Clerk: I can’t jump because my thumb hurts!
Lady in line: Oh well I have a plan for both of you to be happy. FOOD FIGHT!
Clerk: I am unhappy.
I was in for a boring day in the cubicle, right? Well ya, that's what I thought. But then I realized that boring days are not cool so I grabbed my stapler and spent the day stapling my boss's office door shut. Now I am a happy guy.
Today I decided that I would try a change of schedule for a change. So I walked out of the door and I found that somebody had dug a huge pit in front of my house and when I say huge I mean huge like almost as big as a lamppost or other large monolithic structure. Anyway then I realized that falling into a pit was a small price to pay for the joy of falling into a pit so of course I jumped into the pit and then I floated down with my parachute which I walk out the door with for situations like this.
WOOOAH I JUST GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PIT AND GUESS WHAT THERE'S A GUY DOWN HERE WHO CLAIMS HE'S FROM THE FUTURE BUT HE'S WRONG!!!
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